Mental meanderings..

June 21, 2024

Tell me you were born in the 1960s without telling me when you were born. I’ve seen that frequently on social media lately. This is my picture.

Me and my little sister.

This has been quite the week. So many thoughts swirling around in my brain. Retired eleven months, and I was starting to feel as if I needed increased intellectual stimulation. We were told by our financial advisors we should expect to experience the “go-go” years, followed by the “slow-go” and the “no-go” years, and that it takes a few years to settle into the rhythm of retirement. Being an over-achiever, I wanted to get there faster. I also want to stay mentally sharp and I feel forgetfulness and not finding the right word at the right time creeping up on me.

My father passed away last June after suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s. I do not want to follow in his footsteps. I thought maybe I needed a consulting gig to keep me challenged. I reached out to my sister-in-law, currently working as a consultant. She connected me with her network of recruiters. I had two introductory calls and the second wanted to present me as a candidate for a position. I was swept away in the excitement of an opportunity with my old employer. I shared the “good news” with my husband and being my ever-present rock, my grounding, he starts asking questions. “How many hours a week, how long of an engagement, what about our existing plans for the rest of this year?” The knot of stress develops in my gut. “I guess I just assumed I’d figure it out as I went,” I commented. My constant supporter, he continued, “you do what you need to do to stay engaged, but knowing how you throw yourself into whatever you do, I’m concerned you’re going to get sucked back in to that toxic environment, which was the reason we retired in the first place.” He was 100% spot on, as always. He knows me better than I know myself.

I ponder these thoughts another few days. My sister calls, she’s had a tumor removed. The initial biopsy shows spindle cell carcinoma. The pathology will be back soon and she’ll know more about the full diagnosis, prognosis and next steps. I tell my husband. We are again reminded why we retired. Tomorrow is not promised. Make the most of each day. The stress knot grows. My gut tells me consulting, while lucrative, is not my future.

And then I read this fascinating New York Times article, What Does Retirement Really Mean, presenting multiple perspectives from many recent retirees on what retirement means to each of them. (You may need a subscription to access). So many comments resonated with me:

• Madeline Lowitz, "I didn’t leave my brain at the door when I left my office."

• Stella Dawson, "At first retirement felt like dropping off the edge of a cliff. I had spent my whole life climbing up to the top, saving every penny, then — poof! All the expertise I had accumulated amounted to nothing. No one cared."

• Jeannine Holden, “Turns out that I’m not one of those people who is defined by their jobs; I just thought I was.”

• Steve Shiffer, "Being better connected to family and close friends has filled me with joy to a level that I had not imagined."

• Wilma Wallace, "I’ve had the gift of time. Time to travel with my husband... Time to spend with my ... mother. No more sandwiching a visit to her between business travel and sitting her down at Starbucks while I took a “very important” call. Gone are the days of constant striving, plotting my path to a successful career."

Immediately, I realize growing my blog, and sharing my thoughts on this retirement journey IS my passion. Recording the process of evolving, gaining enlightenment and helping others through this journey, while being able to visit my mom for a few days here, our kids for a few days there, help-out with our great-niece, enjoy leisurely morning walks and stop at a coffee shop to chat about the beautiful flowers we’ve passed – that engages me. That brings me joy. And so, with a renewed focus, I’m going to attempt to write our travel adventure to Ireland in real time. Wish me luck!